Of course you can go out...
6 October 2011
What is the cost of a pint of beer? £3.50 ish. It depends where you live or which establishment you frequent of course, but even with a new baby, most men can (and do!) stretch to a trip out for a couple of drinks. What does it actually costs you though?!
Men, beware the following statements:
"Honestly, it's only a couple of drinks, I really don't mind."
"Go on, head out and enjoy yourself, you've been working all day."
In the mind of a tired Mother these translate to:
"I do mind you going, but I'm going to pretend I don't."
"You've been working all day yes, but did you deal with a screaming child, only getting 30 seconds in the shower and not eating until 3pm?!"
When you return you could be met with a frosty reception. "Good time!" A statement, not a question. "I didn't realise you were going to be this late!" (You came back when you said you would). Or "Great timing, I've just managed to get him/her to bed!" A while after you're back you may also want to be prepared for questions about how much you've had to drink and comments relating to how she never gets a break! Unreasonable? Yes! Understandable? Probably.
So what is the answer? Never to go out? Of course not. For me, it's all about timing and compromise. Here are my tops tips to enable you (and your partner) to be happy when you go out:
1) Spend some time at home when you get home rather than heading straight out - listen to how her day was and just say yours was fine. If it wasn't, you can still talk about it, but perhaps save it for later.
2) Make food/feed your child/change a nappy - do something when you get home rather than plonking down in front of the TV.
3) Make a stop on the way home from the pub. No, not for a kebab, but something for your partner. Her favourite snack, maybe a bottle of wine. Something small, but unexpected.
4) Make sure she heads out for a night the following week, or even the week before. Take the baby on the weekend so that she can go shopping or go for some pampering for a few hours.
It's not about tit for tat, but about balance. Often I found that simply having the baby for a full day meant that your other half knew that you did understand what she goes though on a daily basis. (It's hard by the way!) Often you can't win because men will always want to go to the pub, and by proxy, that leaves the mother at home with the baby. She knows that it is important that you get a break as well, just try not to make it every night!
The metrosexual male exists, but within us all is a man who loves to chew the fat with his mates in a pub. Times have changed a bit, but it's important that you both have time for yourselves and time with your friends. Most importantly of course, is to make time for each other.
Guest blog written by a Raggy-Tag Dad