Our Blog
Please can you do it for me?
15 September 2011
Our mission as parents is to ultimately bring up our children to be strong, independent individuals who can fend for themselves. We have 18 years (or thereabouts) to try and achieve this – and yes it does depend on the character of the child.
As we all know, every person/child is different and so will react to situations/experiences differently. Some children seem to be born independent. They spend their life from a baby/toddler refusing help and through sheer determination manage to complete all sorts of tasks by themselves. It might take them an hour or a few weeks, but their persistence usually pays off and they feel a great sense of pride and achievement when they have completed it. However, there are other children who seem completely dependent on anyone willing to help. The thought of doing something for themselves never enters the equation and they just expect that whatever they need – someone will ALWAYS be there to do it.
These characteristics are to a degree inherited. But believing you can achieve something by yourself can be learnt and improved upon. The way parents act around their children has a direct effect on their children’s behaviour – as children mimic their parents. This is how they learn to interact with other people, how to behave in certain situations and even how to approach new tasks. This mimicked behaviour is so influential that it seems incomprehensible that so many parents never even consider it.
No matter how long you spend encouraging your children and telling them that they can do something if they try, it is all wasted if they then see you approach a new task and say ‘I can’t do it!’. Children tend to live in an uncomplicated world. They take everything as it comes and at face value. To them, it makes no sense to have one rule for Mummy/Daddy and another rule for them. So they will never understand if you tell them that they should have a go at everything and always try, but it’s okay for you to give up or not even try.
It is, therefore, important to encourage your children and tell them that they will be able to learn new things if they try and don’t give up, and yes they can do it by themselves. But then it is vitally important to make sure that YOU believe you can do something if you try and that you shouldn’t give up, and that you can do things by yourself and feel proud. This independence, sense of pride and achievement is surely one of the greatest gifts you can give you child – and it’s free!
